The name initially stirred up
fanciful images in my head and I got excited as I envisioned a Soviet institute
filled with blindfolded, psychic, spy children who were forced into telekinetic
experiments with their identical twins. Adjoining pea green and grey rooms
would be centred on a two way mirror as the stern, granite chiselled faces of
Russian scientists looked on. Occasionally one of the children would throw a
psychic wobbly, polygraph tests and charts swimming around in the air angrily
as sundry items of fruit and stationary pummelled the scientists’ faces before
a 6ft po faced nurse would appear with a foot long hypodermic needle filled
with valium.
However! All I got was a bunch of pre-pubescent
tweenies bumming each other out of their Halloween costume school girl
uniforms. In one scene some greasy, Kurdish looking, skinny geezer in a crap
hat takes on two girls in the shower in what is supposed to be a PE lesson. His
greasy penis a testament to lost school girl dreams. A shitake mushroom of
misfortune. Ashen faced shenanigans take place in Ikea furnished dorm rooms,
playing out the formulaic lesbian sex scenes we’re all so familiar with. I fast
forwarded through it hoping for some psychokinetic dildo action to no avail.
All the girls are beautiful but so what? Their bland emotionless faces show no
enjoyment as they await their meagre pay checks.
A glossy produced porno of the
highest order, ergo boring. Not even a Dirty Sanchez or a fat guy in a pig mask
dressed as the grim reaper with a sickle fashioned into a double ender. Lame.
